Random thoughts

I never thought it would come to this


Waiting for dental appointment.
Really can only come up with few other things that cause As much anxiety.

The others are irrational fears.

The dentist, on the other hand, IS out to get you.

They should issue Valium.
Just sayin.

Posted via


(no subject)
I cry from eyes that have betrayed me.  The future holds visions of an uncertain nature (oh, how trite, yet appropo!) and my mind races with questions that frighten and still me. All of my (admittedly ill defined) plans for our "post work" life seem in peril and I do not know what direction to turn. Am I being overly dramatic? I did not work today, because I am afraid of bursting into tears from those deceitful orbs of blue.  In all the dooms day scenarios, that my slightly hypochondriac inner voice could conjure up, I NEVER, EVER, came up with this. never

Pity Party

I am having a Party

of one

But it is no fun

For too much sun

Will make me come undone

Until I'll




(no subject)
0730 am..

Goose fat rendered from WADS of the stuff that geese apparently have just lying around in their "cavities". One goose, relieved of said burdens (along with the now unneeded organs) resting on a pan in the fridge.  Creepy bag of innards browned in rendered fat  (stewing in one's own juices anyone?) now burbling away happily along with the other now useless- to -the- goose parts (wingtips and neck), and the usual carrot celery and onion to make stock for some kick-ass sauce. 

Now to gird my loins for another foray into the grocery store.  I am NOT going back to the big box grocery by myself.  

To do:
stocking stuffers
Start bread sponge
make stuffing

This is, I must remind myself, a purgatory of my own choosing.

Holiday hell or heaven?
Back from the big box grocery store where,  incidentlaly I had made a vow to never shop alone, I did just that.   I was not as bad as it can be, and I left with a feeling of accomplishment, aided by the fact they had beefed up on the checkers due to the holiday shopping madness.  I find I am no longer any good at making shopping lists.  Confronted with a blank piece of paper, my mind follows suit.  I now have a larder stocked with things that make the arteries harden the moment I swiped my debit card.  Somehow I will endeavor to create a holiday feast out of the following, knowing it is just a start to the grocery mound I will finally end up with.

One goose, 14 pounds.
One turkey breast, for the faint of heart.
One spiral sliced ham, on bone.

Onions, shallots, garlic, carrots and celery, for what can you cook without at least one of those.
Parsley and sage.  Rosemary, thyme still in the herb garden out back.  Crimini mushrooms, fresh, porcini and lobster mushrooms, dried.
Domestic cheddar, domestic sharp cheddar.  A nice wedge of Baley Hazen Blue cheese from vermont.

Eight pounds of butter, half salted half not.  Half gallon of cream, 2 pints of sour cream, 3 bricks of cream cheese. Plain yogurt.
Four dozen eggs.

Pomegranate juice.


Assorted breads, hazelnuts, potatoes, flour, brown sugar.
More cheese, fancy crackers. Shrimp?  Hors devours crap.

Gwynth will be here to help with the the cooking or I would not have ventured into the goose realm.
I am crazy.

(no subject)
So, again driving home (yesterday)
on the car in front of me,
a hybrid,
I see on the bumper,
a sticker,
that reads.....


I don't get it!

Am I deficient in some subtle way, or do you suppose that it has a meaning for a select few that are on the "inside"? I have thought about it from every angle I can come up with and find no meaning.  Perhaps it is just to make people say   WTF?   Come to think of it, it does remind me of one of my favorite jokes that few people seem to think is funny.......

Q:  "How many surrealist painters does it take to screw in a light bulb?..."

A:   "The Fish!"

(no subject)
       I have to say so many words in the day at work, I get sick of hearing my own voice.  In my head I'm going
wah, wa, wah wah ( like all the adults in old Peanuts movie).  I imagine the person I'm teaching thinking,
will she ever just SHUT THE FUCK UP!   I have to stop talking at that point.  I get a little distracted.  It's weird that my innate
shyness will just creep up on me and I realize everyone is listening to me.  Tiny rush of paranoia.  The "junior high"
voice.  The one that told you that you looked like a dork or a hooker.  

Yesterday, my orientee was actually nodding off.

While I was talking ......

and he didn't think I would notice!!!!  

     I might have been on a bit of a monologue.......... but that IS my function
at this stage, (going over all the unit policies et,)   but I am not so self absorbed that I would not note the sole person I am trying to teach,
fighting to keep his eyes open, and failing miserably.  Oooooooh I am sooooooo insteresting!!!!!!

Say What?
So.. I was riding home from work the other day,
(Pauly was driving)
 and I look over at the car next to me,
and I was surprised to see,
the fella behind the wheel,
eating from a takeout container.....

with chopsticks.

The container,
was in one hand.
The chopsticks,
in the other.....

Going 65mph.

A wife at his side,
four younger passengers.....

And a dog.

I worried about the dog,
and I wondered if he got any,
mu shu or barbeque pork.

It may have been safer with him driving.

(no subject)
To Mean Angry people who come to the hospital,

I know that you are not feeling well.  I understand that you are not probably  at your best (at least I hope this is not your best).  But I just want you to know that it's okay if you just stay home.   I won't be angry with you.  Really.    If you have the foresight  to know that you won't follow any instructions you are given once you get here,  I  would applaud your good judgment in staying just where you are, at home in your easy chair.  If,  however, you want me to help you,  if you are willing to swallow the pill,  let me take the blood,  leave the oxygen on,  Leave the IV in your arm and stay in the bed,  I am more than happy to assist you in getting better.   I will, in fact,  afford you all the courtesy, kindness and compassion at my disposal.  But,  I'm the one with the sharp pointy objects,  and I'll thank you to remember that.


I have an appointment for a new Tat.   Unfortunately he's booked until late October so now I have to wait....Not so good at that.   It gives me plenty of time to ponder why
I would want to do it in the first place.   Am I desperately trying to capture youth?         Is it I just like pain and the self control it takes to will my body into staying still while someone
wounds me?      For the most part, no one will see maybe it's like having a secret,  something that people never guess.      Is it a test..  pushing myself to
the limits of what I can tolerate....which just comes back to the pain thing.

Silly really to spend an inordinate amount of money to get artwork that even I can't really see.

But I can't wait.....


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